Upon my desperate search on how to get better, I came across an 8 week course led by an incredible and compassionate warrior, Anj Granieri. In our community she is a bit of a celebrity. She personally battled severe ME/CFS and by the grace of God, has fully recovered. Her story has become such an inspiration to me and so many others. Hearing the depths of what she endured with this illness and seeing her now on the other side of it gives the hope I have been struggling to find. She now shares her experience to help people like myself navigate this difficult journey and show us that healing IS possible.
Watching her videos, everything she talks about resonates deeply with me. Looking at her, I can’t believe how beautiful, vibrant, and full of life she is. In her videos, she’s outside, smiling, talking with energy, even explaining a 10-day trip. And all I could think, How did she do that? To most people, those things might sound ordinary, but to me they feel a million miles away. It can get dark really quick when you can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like driving down a dark and winding road that never ends. What makes it even more terrifying is being stuck right in the middle of it. When you look ahead, you can’t see an ending and when you turn around, you can’t even see where you came from. There’s no clear direction, just darkness and loneliness pressing in from every side. It’s actually suffocating.
That is the mindset of ME- despair, constant fear, never-ending symptoms, winding roads, silence, and one of the biggest things of all: isolation. But because I know Jesus, these thoughts and feelings may enter my mind but I don’t allow them to dwell there. Scripture tells us that if we call for Jesus help, he WILL answer us.
“They cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.”
Psalm 107:28
No matter how scary, how deep into the abyss I go I try to remain strong and focused but I am human so I will also allowing myself to grieve, to cry, to even feel sorry for myself. But, I know when I do that I am especially vulnerable to the enemy so I muster up whatever energy I can and I continue to search for Jesus, He is the only one that can help me through this. At this exact moment when my human tank is riding empty and is about to completely run out, He leaves a speck of light not only for me to find but to follow. That is my miracle sign that I know I’m headed in the right direction, He is the strength that sustains me when I cannot do it anymore.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
— John 1:5
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
— Matthew 7:7
This illness, like many chronic illnesses are not a once size fits all. Most doctors have never even heard of MECFS let alone know how to treat it. I research endlessly. I listen, I learn the good the bad and the ugly, I read, I interview doctors, and I talk to people living with this illness. Some people tell me I will never get better because they still aren’t. Others encourage me to try different things, to call their doctors, explore new avenues and I do all of it. But no matter how many conversations I have or how much information I gather, I keep finding the Lord leading me back to Anj’s videos and that speck of light becomes a bit larger and and a bit brighter so I know I’m headed in the right direction. Dealing with multiple illnesses for many years I have learned that Community Support is just as vital for healing as medication and supplements. Not only for illnesses but for any type of situation that alters your life. We are not meant to go through life alone. Our mental health can be greatly influenced by others who have been through the same things we have and we should help each other through.
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
I noticed in Anj’s videos not only her knowledge of the illness, but the way she encouraged people to keep fighting despite being knocked down over and over again. To keep getting kicked and punched by ME, knocked out flat -literally – and getting right back up to keep fighting. She’s like the real life Rocky Balboa of MECFS- You know at the end of every movie, Rockys face is bleeding, he’s black and blue, those infamous eyes swollen shut he can barely see? Just when he seems like he’s had enough and he’s going to tap out- he comes back swinging harder than ever, fighting for that title and for his life. Well, That’s Anj Granieri.
So, I messaged her.
It’s been truly a privilege to speak with someone who has overcome such a horrific illness.
The amount of strength, grit, determination, and faith it takes to fight something like this is hard to put into words. You don’t just fight the illness, you fight trying to make people understand, you fight weird symptoms, you fight people doubting you, thinking your crazy, you fight doctors dismissing you, insurance companies, disability claims, you fight having to make the choice of taking a shower or brushing your teeth, you fight trying to figure out how to survive in a body that won’t let you move. With other illnesses you get a diagnosis the doctor gives you options, a treatment plan and then people feel bad, you get GOFUNDME pages, MEAL TRAINS, you get people checking in on you, people come out of the Wood work to support you when YOU have something THEY understand. So, our entire world gets flipped upside down while everyone’s just goes on. We have to fight for E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!!!! It’s like Rocky fighting Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago, Tommy Gunn, Spider Rico, AND Thunderlips all at the same time. But maybe that’s what healing looks like in chronic illness. Taking one round at a time, Bruised. Exhausted. Eyes swollen shut. Barely able to see the way forward but continually swinging and learning what we want to bring into the next round and deciding what parts we want to leave behind. We change something in every round, we figure out what treatment works, what drs work and what doesn’t. We kind of start transforming ourselves without even meaning to. The beautiful part is, Jesus is there supporting and guiding us in every single round. Some people may leave, but he won’t. Some people won’t check in, but he still does. Some people think you’re faking because you’re able to smile in a 5 minute FaceTime call and “act” normal but he knows your sitting up nice and tall in bed for them, he knows the second you get off you will collapse. The fake smile will turn. So many tears are shed in silence, but he sees them. He is the constant strength and he IS the light guiding us through the tunnel.
https://www.instagram.com/anjgranieri?igsh=MTdsajczcGpzMTRiYQ==
Strength from Thorns 